Separating from the other parent of your child was not an easy decision.
Your first question, and main concern always was: 'How can I protect our children from the pain of the separation?'
You searched the internet, you read the books, you followed the advice.
It seems that you are doing quite ok, but inside you feel as if you are still sliding on the surface, not quite sure how to fill that hole for your children.
Sometimes you feel as if no matter how hard you tried, you will never be able to catch up.
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW TO CHANGE THIS?
Allow me to introduce
Parenting after Separation
A step by step workbook for separated parents who want to raise emotionally secure, well adjusted children.
As a separated mum of two and a psychologist specialising in supporting secure parent-child relationships, I know that you can fill that hole.
The under the surface answer lies not in:
exciting days out
making sure their new room is looking beautiful
finding perfect answers to their questions about separation
sticking with the predictable routine (yes, not even that, even though a predictable routine makes everybody's lives so much easier)
What your children need from you now, more than ever, is your steady and emotionally available presence.
And yet - you feel like at this point in your life you are the furthest from being steady and emotionally available presence in your children's lives.
You are just about holding your pieces together.
You are riding a rollercoaster of extreme emotions that seem bigger than you.
You are slowly making your way through sorting out an avalanche of never ending practicalities.
Sometimes you feel so damaged or disposable, you simply want to keep yourself away from your children.
You know that your children need you to be their secure base, but the reality of that is simply too overwhelming.
I know how stretched you are, so the workbook is full of simple, doable steps that will make the real difference for you, your children and your relationship.
As you work your way through the invitations in the workbook, you will notice that:
your feel more confident in your ability to give your children what they need
your guilt about the past and worries about the future are loosening their grip
you are finding it easier to bring more of yourself into connecting with your children
you feel that how you are showing up is making a difference for your children
you feel enough
you feel lighter and more here
'Facing the separation was the bravest thing I did in my whole life. I learned that I was stronger and braver than I ever thought I was. I am finally feeling good about myself again and Parenting after Separation workbook was an important part of this journey - it helped me to cut through the chatter in my head and focus on being there for my children.'
Parenting after Separation
Creating time for your child
When it comes to parenting, how you feel when you are with your child is much more important than what you do with your child.
Creating regular times to slow down the chatter in your head and make yourself more emotionally available to your child is the best (if not only) way to protect your child from the impact of the separation. The experience of being heard and seen, being able to share their thoughts, desires, hopes and fears with you helps them to make sense of what is happening and keep their world intact.
Step 2 is about discovering how you can create more head space and time for your child. We look at different ways of changing the gear from doing mode to being mode, so that you can choose the easiest way to do it daily.
Rebuilding your own sense of security
Have you ever wondered what is the the main factor contributing to your children's sense of security?
A small army of psychologist have done the legwork for your - study after study has shown that what matters the most if your sense of security.
Step 1 of the workbook is about helping you feel safe in your own skin.
Letting your child lead
Steps 1 and 2 and two are building to the most important piece - attuning to your child.
Putting your worries and hopes on pause and taking the time to observe and respond to what your child needs in this moment makes it much easier to connect with your child in a way that helps her to feel heard, seen, known and understood, accepted, secure and truly… loved.
You will notice that when you take some time to observe your child and then go in the direction she is going you have less power struggles, feel more connected with your child and more confident in your parenting.
This workbook is for you if you understand relationships have their ups and downs and you have a lifelong commitment to nurturing your relationship with your child.
This workbook is not for you if you are looking for a quick fix, a strategy or technique that you can apply with minimal involvement on your part.