Imagine your child comes back from the other parent and says: "Mummy/daddy lets me eat in my bedroom." (For the sake of this example, let's assume that you don't allow food in the bedrooms.) How would you like to respond in that situation: A. Tell your child what you think about the other parents parenting.
B. Message your co-parent to tell them what you think about them allowing food in the bedroom.
C. Collapse on the sofa, wondering why on earth do you have to deal with this again and again. Or
D. Say to your child something like: "It seems that daddy/mummy and I have different rules about eating in the bedroom. What's that like for you?
Which answer did you choose? What do you find appealing about it? If in an ideal world you would like to go with D - I'm with you. We can respond this way when we choose to stay present with our children, curious about their experience, available to help them make sense of it. To do that, we need to know how to manage our triggers. If you want to know more about how being triggered interferes with our ability to stay present with our children and what we can do about it, go to the 33rd minute of the recent Divorce TV Show episode below. (A huge thank you to Suzy Miller for being the driving force behind the show.)