Becoming more comfortable with communicating your boundaries

Have you been feeling exhausted lately? Like you don’t have a minute for yourself? Would you rather feel energised and that you do have time for what nourishes you? If that sounds like music to your ears, getting more comfortable and confident with communicating your boundaries is likely a part of the answer. Here are a couple of examples of boundaries I find myself setting pretty much every day:

  • I'm in the middle of a sentence. I would like to finish it.

  • I'll have a look at it once I have finished my tea.

  • Would you mind unloading the dishwasher now?

  • We can talk about it as soon as we are out of the door and in the car.

Each one of those situations holds the potential for frustration. Since I got more comfortable with communicating my boundaries, it feels just that - simple communication. What comes up for you when you hear “setting boundaries”?

  • Does it feel uncomfortable?

  • Do you worry that it will be hard work?

  • Do you worry that you will put people off?

I am not a natural boundary setter, and it got much easier when I realised that setting boundaries is not about controlling what other people do. It is about connecting with myself, getting clear about what I want and communicating that kindly and clearly. In the “how-to” video below I talk about:

  • Choosing a good time for setting the boundary. Timing is crucial. It can make the difference between it being a connecting or alienating experience.

  • 3 types of boundaries: mean/weak/clear and kind and how you can avoid setting mean or weak boundaries and aim for clear and kind boundaries instead.

In this video, I focus on setting boundaries with children. I believe that if you can effectively set boundaries with your children, you can set boundaries with pretty much anyone else.

If you were to choose just one thing to take away from this video, what would it be?


P.s. More about Circle of Security Parenting.